mossyfawnron

If this is your first time to my blog, hi! I’m Ronni and I have Bipolar 2 Disorder.

I had a suicide attempt in November 2024. I thought the only options for treatment were therapy once a week at most, or inpatient hospitalization where I’d stay for a long time. I didn’t want to tell my doctor about my attempt, but I decided I needed help, and was willing to do what it took to be better. I thought I’d be hospitalized without a choice; I was terrified.

I met with my PCOS mental health doctor in December, who listened to my story, and recommended an IOP. I had no idea what that was… turns out, for people with severe mental illness, intensive outpatient therapy is an option. This one had a focus on depression and bipolar specifically. It would be 6 weeks long, 3 days a week, 3 hours a day. It would be a group of people in a classroom/ support group setting.

So I signed up! I quit my job, did the intake, and asked for help from people in my life to support me with my part of my rent, so I could focus on this program. They graciously agreed and I started it at the end of January.

Around the same time as the IOP starting, college classes started. The first thing I said in the group when it was my turn to speak was that I wasn’t sure if I was really happy or just manic… I met with one of the coordinators and she helped me see that I was manic. Because- I learned- that life changes and events have a big impact on the flip-flopping of mood with Bipolar. Meeting all these new people sent me into mania.

I don’t remember a ton about the first couple weeks of classes since I was in a manic haze. I remember around the 3rd week in, I met with the psychiatrist for the program. She took me off of Abilify I started a new medication called Vraylar (which is a very Star Wars -esque name to me) and I gained consciousness basically. Things started really clicking with what I was learning after that.

I learned about how schedule consistency is key, and social rhythm is a huge thing. I learned how to tolerate distress, with lots of different tools and techniques to distract, reframe, and manage my emotions. I’m less irritable and less likely to spiral- whether that’s into depression or mania.

I made a distress tolerance kit: a small box full of items to help me in crisis mode. Mine has a candle, cat toy, and a stress ball beetle plush my boyfriend got me, among other things. I wrote all my skills I learned on a little booklet to keep in there as well.

We learned about the importance of sleep, nutrition, and exercise, and made SMART goals to achieve better habits, which I have been pretty successful at. These are things I have to continually work on, and I’ll probably blog about my fitness/nutrition journey too as time goes on. But I have started eating mindfully (not binging!) and exercising. I started a pole fitness class, which makes me feel strong and confident.

Now, it’s been 6 weeks. I graduate on Thursday this week, it’s currently Tuesday. I’m excited to graduate. I feel like I’ve learned so much- I feel like a new person- and it all happened because I advocated for myself and was honest about my struggles.

I also have made friends along the way, from group obviously, and outside of group just because my confidence has gotten so much higher. I feel better equipped to handle the world.

Overall, I had a great time. I spent lots of days crying after sessions because what we talked about, like radical acceptance and moving on, hit close to home. Those tears were not out of sadness, but out of revelation. Catharsis.

I’d recommend going to an IOP if you struggle with Bipolar or intense depression/anxiety. It was such a big help for me, and I’m glad I did it. I made it out alive, and so can you.